I'm happy to report that I DNF'ed. More precisely, I DNF'ed and I'm happy that I'm alive to report that bit of news.

The start to the ride was a little strange, in that the 'pace car' left from the start line and it seemed that none of the other riders started pedaling. I asked Susan if it was OK to roll, and it was, so I was the first cyclist behind the lead car. I've never been in that position before. Dennis, a guy named Roger, and I made good time despite the wind. The day before, I checked weather.com and it said that there was going to be 20-30 mph winds and gusts of up to 40mph. They got that part right. There was a strong wind during most, if not all, of the ride. That didn't deter my sprits as I powercranked my way to the first check point in the first group of three riders to get there. A quick refill of the bottles, a sign in, and we were off again.

I have to remember to stop tinkering with my bike. I bought a new saddle from Selle An-Atomica last week, and put it on my bike. The saddle was a little taller than my Alliante, so I dropped the seatpost accordingly. The problem is/was that I ended up dropping it too much. So when I rode last week, I felt new soreness in my glutes and a little pain above my right knee. Telltale signs of my seat being too low. I made a mental note to raise the seat, but that was as far as it went. As we were pedaling into the first control, I told Dennis that I wanted to raise my saddle, then forgot about it. As we were about to leave the first control, Dennis reminded me about the seat post, and I said we should just press on. About 15 miles after the first control my right hip flexor started to give out because the seat was too low. I think I just cooked it, because it was really hurting and I was having trouble getting my foot over the top of the stroke. Dennis and I stopped, and I raised my seat - it worked better, or rather it didn't get any worse. After about 50 miles, I had to use the lockouts. I had never used them, and it took a while to get them fully engaged. After they were engaged I was able to recover and get back to riding.

The ride started at 4:00AM, and I foolishly think that that's as cold as it's going to get, and as soon as the sun comes up, it'll start to get up to 70° within a couple hours. Everybody but me probably knows this, but it keeps getting colder until the sun comes out. When we passed through Marana, (I'm told) it was 30°. This makes a lot of sense, considering that the water in my bottles started to freeze and when I took sips, I would get crushed ice.

Anyway, Dennis and I kept at it and made good time to the second control. We left without incident, and after about 2 miles I stopped to check something and told Dennis to keep riding. He got about a 1/4 mile ahead of me and I could never close the gap. There were strong headwinds, so that on a downhill slope I was at 92% max heart rate and going 9mph. I kept after Dennis for about 17 miles and still could never close the gap. So I stopped, and this is where it all went sideways.

I needed to make an adjustment to my seat, get a new gel flask out of my seat post bag, and a couple other things. I pulled off the road and took care of these little chores. One of the things I did as a result of the previous brevet was resolve to take something to relieve the muscle stiffness between my shoulder blades. I chose Tiger Balm. No particular reason. I dipped my finger in the jar - Tiger Balm has the consistency of chapstick - and rubbed it on my neck and between my shoulder blades. It is supposed to increase blood flow to the muscles. It smells like Vicks VapoRub. I resumed my riding, and there wasn't any real change in my performance. It was hilly and windy.

I started thinking to myself that this ride sucked. I was only making 10mph and thought that because I had some miles/time in the bank, if I could just crank out 10mph the rest of the ride, I'd finish within the time limit, because the maximum limit is based on about 9.5 mph. Slowly, my speed started to drop. I could only manage 8 mph, even though the hills and wind hadn't changed. Then 7, then 6, then 5mph was all I could muster. I was about 1.5 miles from the next turn, and I thought there'd be a store there. I kept plugging along thinking that I had maybe not taken on enough Sustained Energy, or Hammer Gel, or Endurolytes. But I was taking the amount I always take. And I was only 93 miles into the ride, so nothing made any sense.

With about 0.3 miles to go to the turn, I was down to about 3 mph. Then I noticed a strange sensation around my lips. When I was in high school, I got cut in the face and lost a little blood. The sensation I felt on the ride was identical. I felt I had lost blood, but I hadn't crashed, or cut myself. The sensation spread to my face, then arms. Soon enough, I had almost no power in my legs. I remember thinking that the body on the bike was not the body that I was used to. The body on the bike was powerless and somehow disassociated from my mind. I thought that this was the worst bonk ever, but there was no explanation for it.

I made it to the turn, and then I realized that I was unable to steer the bike. The front wheel kept zigzagging and with the traffic that was going by, I knew it wasn't safe to continue riding. I stopped the bike, got off it, and called Susan and told her I was unable to continue. She said that she'd call Dave and have him come get me. I called Dennis and left him a message telling him that I was out of the ride and to go on without me. I was bent over my bike, still standing, and about 5 or so people rode by me. They all asked if I was OK, but no one stopped for an answer and I was too delirious to know what to say.

I set the bike down on the ground and then sat myself down, too. I really thought that I was going to slip out of consciousness and end up in a heap on the side of the road in the AZ desert. A truck drove by and I waved a feeble wave. The driver waved back and kept driving. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew I was getting worse and I'd have to try harder next time. Another truck came by and I waved again but with a little more oomph than before. The truck pulled over, backed up, and the passenger got out and asked me if I needed help. From there, things get a little blurry. The driver put my bike in the bed of the truck, and I got into the back seat of the dual cab. It turns out that the truck contained a husband and wife and their 9 y.o. daughter. I must have been quite a sight.

I put my right forearm up on the seat ahead of me, rested my forehead on my arm, and held on to consciousness. The wife asked me a number of questions: How old was I? Did I have heart trouble? Did I want to go to the hospital? I never looked up from the floor. I tried to act like I was just really tired. I remember some parts of the conversation, but not all. I don't remember their names, and I don't even know where we were going. I started to feel a better, little by little, and by that I mean that I no longer felt like I was going to pass out. They lived about 100 miles from Tuscon and came up to visit family, and take care of errands. I have no idea why they were on that old road.

They suggested that they take my into Tuscon to a shuttle company who could take me to Casa Grande. Just as was we were pulling into the driveway of the shuttle car company, I remembered that I forgot my wallet in the hotel in Casa Grande, and had no way to pay for the shuttle. Standing in the office, I started to shiver and shake. I thought I might be in shock, but couldn't be sure because I've never been in shock before. Anyway, the shuttle company didn't go to Casa Grande. I told the husband that if they could get me to a nearby restaurant, I knew the owners and could get help from them. They drove me 10 miles to the restaurant only to find that it was closed on Sundays. At that point, the husband said that he should drive me to Casa Grande. So he drove to a gas station, filled up, and then drive me 45 miles to my hotel.

It's worth noting that they picked me up at about noon, and eventually dropped me off at about 3:00, I think. Most of this time, I'm semi coherent and shaking. As we were headed to Casa Grande, I started feeling better, my normal temperature returned and I could carry on a conversation. When we got to my hotel, I ran into my room, got all my cash ($30) and gave it to them. If I had been thinking clearer, I would have stopped at the ATM in the lobby, pulled about $200 and given it to them because they saved my ass, no doubt. I'm sure I ruined their day. They were in Tuscon to visit people in nursing homes and instead they're carting my sorry carcass around for 3 hours.

As my family and I were leaving Casa Grande this morning, a guy came up to me at the gas station asking for some spare change for bus fare. I know that there's a good chance it's not for bus fare, but I wasn't really in a position to not help someone who said they needed help, so I gave him some cash. Then, when we were in Buchman Springs on the way back to San Diego, there was another guy who said he needed gas money, and I gave him some cash, too. I was just so happy that there were people like that family who helped me that it would be only right for me to try to help others who were in a tight spot.

My wife told her dad about my day, and he (being a retired pediatrician) suggested that it could have been much worse for me, and that I probably got off lucky. This is my theory: Tiger Balm is designed to relieve muscle soreness by increasing blood flow to the point of contact. When I applied it, blood flow was redirected from the legs to the shoulders, which made me bonk extra hard. My father-in-law agrees, but goes even further by saying that when I applied it, during exercise and while it was hot out, my pores were wide open so that the active ingredients were absorbed into the bloodstream much more quickly, perhaps too quickly, perhaps turbo quickly. He suspects that I had some sort of cardiovascular reaction to the Tiger Balm that I wouldn't have had if I were to have applied it while I was at home, resting. And that, strictly speaking, a heart attack might not have been out of the range of possibility. And that when the wife asked me if I think I should go to the hospital, I should have said 'absolutely' and not 'no, I'll be alright'.

So, here I sit, quite happy in the knowledge that I DNF'ed but at least am able to tell the tale, looking at the small jar of Tiger Balm in the garbage can.

Update:

Tiger Balm contains 11% camphor. The following is from the wikipedia article on camphor:

Toxicology

In larger quantities, it is poisonous when ingested and can cause seizures, confusion, irritability, and neuromuscular hyperactivity. In 1980, the United States Food and Drug Administration set a limit of 11% allowable camphor in consumer products and totally banned products labeled as camphorated oil, camphor oil, camphor liniment, and camphorated liniment (but "white camphor essential oil" contains no significant amount of camphor). Since alternative treatments exist, medicinal use of camphor is discouraged by the FDA, except for skin-related uses, such as medicated powders, which contain only small amounts of camphor.