If you're like most triathletes and, as far as I can gather, most triathletes are, you're a fairly serious person. Or at least you're fairly serious when it comes to improving your performances in the events in which you compete. With this in mind I'm here to offer you the following, absolutely free of charge. I'm titling it: Equipment you really shouldn't be without, or you might just suffer the Consequences

But first, a proviso. After my last blog entry, I realize that this one may mean little; so be it. You don't need any of this. Also, all of the following schwag is more closely related to physiological improvement, rather than looking good or owning lighter bicycle gear. If you would rather look fit than be fit, don't bother reading on. Also, I'd like to mention that I am in no way, shape or form backed by any equipment manufactures mentioned here within. I'm just telling you what I know I know, you know? Finally, be forewarned that if you choose to read no further, you may very well suffer the consequences.

If you've dropped more than three grand on your bicycle and another four or five hundred smackers on running gear, wetsuits and razor blades---to shave those furry legs of yours---but have refrained from purchasing the following, you are hereby officially declared a knucklehead, as by me. Of course, that's the pot calling the kettle black, but never mind that.

Ten pieces of equipment you really shouldn't be without, or you might just suffer the Consequences

1) If you don't already own a heart-rate monitor, remind me to thump you on the noggin next time our paths cross. The heart-rate monitor is your best training tool, bar none. I'm not going to risk getting writer's cramp for something so manifestly obvious, so do me and you both a favor and instigate a Google search right now to learn more about the benefits of a heart-rate monitor.

2) High-powered Blender. Digestion is hard work on the human body. In fact, we use up a surprisingly high percentage of the energy we just took in to break down what we just, um, took in. In a nutshell, as compared to the animal world, we are pathetic at the whole digestion process, just as we are out of a nutshell. You can, however, make things easier on yourself by liquefying a portion of your food. You'll absorb more phytochemicals this way too, though to tell you the truth I don't really know what phytochemicals are. They sound cool though. Here Phyto! Be sure to get a blender that can do the job of hacking through everything from an avocado pit to a beet root. Mine is a 3-horse power version that can chop wood, which saves my back come winter.

3) A power meter. This is another no-brainer, so if you have no brain, listen up. If by now you don't know the merits of a power meter you need to pull your head out from wherever it's been and do some research. Better yet, I'll spare you the time. Here's the gist: a power meter measures the power you produce during each and every one of your pedal strokes. In other words, in numerical form it will show you just how abysmal of shape you are in. It does this by a serious of events that I'll never really understand thanks in part to the vast science known as "electronics".

These "electronics" are extremely accurate, however, and will teach you everything you need to know about the power you generate (or the power you don't generate). Best of all, perhaps, is that power output is easily quantifiable and never skewed. If on one day you can sustain 160 "watt-you-macallits" for a half-hour time trial and the next you cannot, the power meter will assure you that you pretty much suck. So why is this important? Well, because it will enable you to more accurately gage the intensity of any given workout. Whereas heart-rate response can be affected by a number of factors, including environmental conditions, hydration levels, fatigue levels and the like, power measurement is less subjective. It is what it is, much like a time measurement is. Ideally you'll want to cross-reference your power output with your heart-rate to benefit your training the most. I recommend doing sub-maximal time trials comparing your average heart-rate for a given time (say a half-hour) with your average power output, noting the effect that cadence, bike positioning and terrain has on these numbers. Keep a spread sheet going and watch the improvements unravel. (That is, assuming they do.) (If not, change your training routine!)

4) PowerCranks. Unlike a power meter or what the name might otherwise conjure up, PowerCranks have nothing to do with measuring power. Rather, they can help you increase it (and I can assure you they will over the long haul, by using them a lot) and they'll help you improve your pedal stroke. PowerCranks do this by forcing the cyclist (or runner who happens to be on a bike using PowerCranks) to pedal in complete circles, as opposed to rectangles or triangles or other geometric shapes.

They do this with an ingenious clutch bearing mechanism that enables both the left and right crank arm to operate independently of one another. In other words, while you're on the bike and you begin to pedal, you're forced to lift each leg during the pedal's back-stroke in order to get the crank arm back to the top of the pedal circle to push back down on the front part of the pedal stroke, or else it won't do so. If you still don't quite get what I mean, picture this: you can have both feet clipped into your pedals and leave one leg down while the other leg continues pedaling in circles, propelling the bike (and you). One leg can even pedal backwards whilst the other pedals forward. This is something I occasionally do to mess with motorists' heads; more than one car accident has happened because of it.

Anyway, because of this advantageous training effect, PowerCranks are now used by the vast majority of professional triathletes and cyclists, despite the fact that they don't want you to know about it! (Some have even gone so far as to purchase the cranks under an alias!) If that little tidbit doesn't sell you on them, find a pair to try out and see just how bad your pedal stroke is. You'll be sold.

5) Swim Cords. If you're a weak swimmer, swim. If you're a strong swimmer, go ride or run. But if you're a decent swimmer who already knows a thing or two about proper stroke mechanics, pick yourself up a set of swim cords and start using them today (yesterday would've been better however). The gains that can be had in just five or ten minutes a day would take five or six times as long in the pool.

6) Weight Scale. The scale doesn't lie, so they say. If you're overweight (a very subjective term to the athlete) it will tell you. If, like me, you're underweight, it'll tell you that too. It won't, however, do your dishes. Alas, nothing in my house does.

7) Sugarless chewing gum. "Oh no," you're probably thinking. "Now what the hell is he going on about?" Hear me out. While training you probably ingest lots of sugary junk. Most triathletes do, so don't feel special. Anyway, the point is that all that sugary crap festers inside your mouth for a long time, slowly becoming microbes, which are these things that are roughly the size of the artist formerly known as Prince but that multiply in number by the minute. Before long these mini Princes will come back to bite you, in the form of cavities (perhaps "bite" is the wrong word to use here) and/or gum disease. Sugarless chewing gum is proven effective at reducing the risk of cavities by removing all that gunk from your teeth and gums and by helping to balance your mouth's pH. Chew it after everything that sticks to your teeth and rinse your mouth with water after every sip of your sugary sports drink.

8) Gelled Alcohol. This isn't the kind of alcohol you drink, but rather the kind you rub all over your germ-infested hands after touching anything. Gelled alcohol is one of the best ways to avoid introducing yourself to that cold that could knock you down before your next race. Let it be known, however, that the stuff is highly flammable, so if you go lighting up a cigarette after training you could catch fire. Don't say I didn't warn you.

9) MP3 Player. Owning one of these fancy doodads will certainly help get you motivated on those days where you just can't get going, assuming you can figure out how to actually load songs into it. If you can, please feel free to contact me. Perhaps we could work out a trade of some sort. Also, it is assumed that if you do know how to load songs into the device, you actually load good songs into it: no country music or hip hop or other crap.

10) Napping chair. Natascha Badmann has won the Hawaii Ironman more times than I can count to, like a gazillion or something. She does this through a series of perfectly-executed training bouts and through well-timed periods of R & R. At home near the Matterhorn she has what she calls her "napping chair", an exceedingly large, cozy chair in which she sits and does absolutely nothing. If doing nothing ain't your style, have a magazine rack full of the latest tri magazines (or those fascinating girly magazines) next to your napping chair and "read" through them. But I'm here (in my own napping chair) to tell you that, when it comes to your overall training routine, nothing really is something.

Summary: While there is other equipment you could certainly benefit from---a blood lactate analyzer, an aerodynamic front wheel on your bike, a good coach, and others comes to mind---none of these items replace the need for good ol' fashioned hard work. Hard work, however, involves pulling out all the stops, and as #10 illustrates, hard work also involves eschewing hard work at times. I know a lot of triathletes who have already got the part down pat, myself included. Just be sure that if you're going to do nothing, you don't overdo it.